June 3, 2008
Here are some thoughts if you’re married or contemplating marriage. You and your spouse deserve results, not just promises! In the traditional wedding ceremony, your spouse agrees to accept you “for better or worse …till death do you part,” and at first that sounds quite noble. But is it? It actually might absolve you of any responsibility to grow and improve. If you don’t improve, neither will your marriage, and the result could be two people who have parted ways emotionally, if not physically, long before death.
Your relationship with your spouse is far too precious to be founded on such a vague promise as “for better or worse.” By asking your spouse to accept you on these terms, you are in essence saying, “Stay with me even if I get complacent, lazy, dull and unattractive.”
What motive does that give you not to become complacent, lazy, dull, and unattractive? None at all. And if you backslide, what of the marriage? After much chafing, all that remains to hold it together is a twisted, frayed thread.
But any good marriage should be held together by the warm, powerful, attraction that binds a man and a woman who are growing and improving as individuals. To maintain that enthusiasm, which most couples at least shared in the beginning, both of you must continue to grow and improve, and that’s the commitment you should make to one another. Don’t stay together for better or worse; just stay as long as you both keep improving. That way your marriage will keep improving too, because you’ve founded the relationship on results instead of mere promises.
Saying “I do” to growth and improvement is a far deeper and more rewarding commitment than the traditional promise of “for better or worse,” simply because it requires both husband and wife to accept responsibility for their part of the relationship.
Besides, it just makes sense. Consider your other relationships. In any of them did you or someone else agree to accept the worse? Of course not. Take your job for instance. Your employer didn’t say, “This is your job forever, whether you help our company get better or worse.” If he or she did say that, then you could come in late every morning, fall asleep at your desk, take three-hour lunch breaks, and leave early every afternoon, with no fear of being fired! What your employer should say is, “This is your job as long as you deserve it, and you’ll deserve it as long as you keep improving.” And in turn, your commitment to your employer should be that you’ll keep working for the company as long as it keeps improving.
And so it is with two people in love who decide to get married. They might say to each other, “Because I love you, I want the best for you. And I want that best to be me. So stay with me as long as I am the best for you—as long as I keep improving. That way I’ll have to improve, and you’ll want to stay.”
Here’s what you can do:
- If you’re still single, consider including in your wedding vows a commitment to grow and improve. And if you’re already married, it’s still not too late; each of you can accept responsibility for your part of the relationship beginning NOW, in all areas of your life.
- Ask yourself these questions: Do you have a plan for staying in great shape by maintaining an exercise program and by watching what you eat? Are you in better shape now than last year? Do you learn new things each year by reading more, listening to motivational/inspirational CDs, attending seminars? Are you expanding your mental capacities? Do you feel smarter this year than last year. Do you work at increasing your self-confidence, poise, and ability to communicate with others as each year goes by?
- Say “I do” and make the commitment!
To learn more about personal growth expert Joel Weldon…
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June 3, 2008
“Drop me anywhere! I’ll survive!”
Schmitz’s reputation was legend! They said, and rightly so, you could drop Schmitz off in any city in the U.S. at nine in the morning, and by 5 p.m. Schmitz would have made at least one sale. Schmitz was not only a great salesperson, but a fully functioning, totally independent survivor!
Then a young rookie salesman heard about Schmitz and the “drop me in Dubuque” challenge, he became intrigued and inspired. “Wow,” he thought. “That’s the kind of life I want—no matter what happens, to know I’ll survive!” Over the years he strived to improve his skills so he could say “Drop me in Dubuque and I’ll sell!” No leads, no referrals, no centers of influence, no money, no support, no contacts and no help! Just a good product, an honest presentation and the feeling of total confidence in himself. Before long his opportunity came to be a “Schmitz.” Not only did he make a sale, he made four sales! The local manager could hardly believe it. His best producers working in their own territory hardly sold four a week, and here’s a stranger getting four orders on his first day in town!
How about you—could you survive and then thrive in a distant city or town with only your skills and street smarts? That’s independence! That’s security! That’s self-sufficiency! That’s a goal worth striving for … for yourself, for your associates, for your family.
In an age of increasing dependency on the government, social security, company benefits, life savings, investments, family, friends and organizations, we sometimes lose sight of the need to be independent and self-sufficient. If you’re a manager or leader, could your associates make it without you? Have you fostered dependence, or independence? What kind of thinkers and doers have you trained and developed?
If you’re a parent, could your children survive and then thrive without you? What can they do for themselves? How good are they at cooking, finding a job, thinking for themselves, defending themselves, buying, selling, and the hundreds of other things necessary for survival in today’s fast-paced dynamically changing world. What a wonderful feeling it is to know you raised self-sufficient thinkers and doers.
If you’re on your own, how are you doing in the survival department? Are you on your way to thriving? So often we hear of the shattered lives of people who suffer through the death of a loved one or a divorce. Yes, it’s a tragic situation, but it’s not the end of the world. Life goes on. You can lose your job, home, spouse, children, your money, friends, relatives—everything—but you still have YOU! You can go on, and not just survive, you can thrive! You can be a “Schmitz.” Decide now that you can make it—no matter what! “If it is to be, it is up to ME!” That’s the motto of life’s winners!
Here’s what you can do:
- To survive in the wilderness you’d need to know basic survival techniques—how to live off the land, how to find food, what to eat, where to sleep, how to build a fire, etc. Those are skills anyone can learn. To survive in our civilized world you need to know basic survival techniques like how to communicate, how to get a job, how to think, reason and make decisions. Decide now to learn those basic skills and teach them to your children, loved ones and business associates.
- Strive for the freedom independence gives you! Many millionaires, having lost every penny, still come back and earn millions more. How? They still know how to make money! Many salespeople have their territories changed or cut in size, and yet the good ones still find a way to exceed their quota and goals. Left alone through death of a spouse or divorce, many find a new mate and goes on living and loving. Left in an orphanage, a child decides to make it anyway. The list is long and some don’t make it—but many do. Why? They decide to!
- Accept it—it’s true—it’s a fact—your life is a choice. What will it be … days filled with reading bad news, reviewing hurts and pains, OR striving to become independent?
Make your goal: “Drop me in Dubuque!” by Motivational Speaker, Joel Weldon
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June 3, 2008
Think about MICE. Mice have problems too, you know … traps, cramped quarters, noisy giants for neighbors. A lot like us, really. So the National Institute of Mental Health decided to see what would happen if mice were set loose in a problem-free world. They thought the results might reveal something about human beings and their problems. Eight fortunate little mice were given free run of a rodent paradise—they were given enough food and space for 4,000 mice. As expected, the eight soon became sixteen; the sixteen, thirty-two; and so forth. They played, slept, ate, and doubled their population every 55 days. It was a “boom town playpen”–the kind many humans wish they could live in. But as the population hit 620, the frolicking slowed. Social problems appeared. At population 2,200, just above half capacity, the boom town fizzled. Reproduction halted. Eventually the population plummeted to zero. Silence. The mice were gone. The parallel between mice and human beings is obvious: challenge is an essential ingredient of life. Without a challenge, people become “settled.” And when people are settled too long they get lazy, nervous and querulous. They find that what they have is not really what they wanted; that the challenge, the journey itself was the real reward. Even though we strive to become settled, and seek the mirage of false, material, external security, we know that we really do our best, accomplish most, and live most fully when we are unsettled. The security that resides within us and is available to us in abundance includes the ability to think, to love, to be creative and productive.
Here’s what you can do:
Every morning, be thankful for the challenges you face! They will bring out the best in you. Live on the edge. Continually strive toward your goals, and don’t let your life become too settled. Be THANKFUL for the troubles of your job. They provide about half your income. If it were not for the things that go wrong, the difficult people you have to deal with, and the problems and unpleasantnesses of your working day, someone could be found to handle your job for half of what you are being paid.It takes intelligence, resourcefulness, patience, tact and courage to meet the troubles of any job. If all of us would start to look for more “troubles,” and learn to handle them cheerfully and with good judgment—as opportunities rather than irritations—we would find ourselves getting ahead at a surprising rate. For it is a fact that there are plenty of big jobs waiting for men and women who aren’t afraid of the trouble connected with them!
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June 3, 2008
In the wrestling world arms are the pillars of the wrestler’s body. They may be the most important attribute of success. Take away those arms — or even just one — and the hope of being a wrestler vanishes. Unless you are Mark Lake who, with only a left arm, is anything but handicapped.
Mark lost his arm at the age of two in the spin cycle of a washing machine. There is only a stub of about seven inches but that hasn’t stopped him from becoming a serious bicyclist, an accomplished photographer, and a triathlete. As a high school student in Orange County, California, Mark was also a talented wrestler!
Mark didn’t want pity. He didn’t want anyone to go easy on him. As a senior he was 11-2 in the 126-pound class for the Saxons who were the favorites to win their eighth straight Empire League Championship. He went on to defeat Jim Valenzuela in the Magnolia Eight-Way Tournament. Valenzuela, who had a 19-4 record himself, said, “Some people go in against him saying ‘Uh-oh, I’m wrestling a guy with one arm!’ But since I had wrestled him before about six years ago, I just treated him like any regular guy.”
Mark wanted it that way. He never wanted anyone to go easy on him. Coach Gary Bowden said Mark was one of the best 126-pounders in the County. Not one of the best one armed wrestlers in his weight, one of the best wrestlers.
Mark got into wrestling, he said, because of his brother Steve, a 145-pounder who wrestled a few years before. “I just wanted to outdo my older brother,” Mark said.
What doesn’t happen to most people is overcoming what Mark overcame. He did everything himself, even to climbing the rope hanging from the ceiling of the wrestling room (a requirement). Nothing was out of his reach. And there was a message on the back of the T-shirt he often wore: “A man is never more a man than when he’s reaching for what is beyond his grasp.”
Here’s what you can do:
1. Concentrate on what you have, not on what you haven’t got — whether it’s a physical limitation, a lack of money, or a limited education. Be a Mark Lake and use what you have to the fullest.
2. Make your own mark, write your own life script, march to the beat of your own music, set your own goals — only YOU can decide to do what you can do, so DO IT!
3. Drop self-pity like a hot potato — its effects are devastating. The benefits of being free of self-pity are joy, hope and goals to achieve.
4. Set some new goals for yourself that will stretch you — beyond your grasp but within your reach. Your potential is unlimited, and you live right now in unlimited times!
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May 14, 2008
The young man had done well during his first two years with the company, but he began to feel anxious. He wasn’t sure where his career would take him, if indeed it would take him anywhere. He wondered what he’d be doing after two more years. He questioned the wisdom of remaining in a job that sometimes seemed more like a treadmill than a staircase.
So he knocked on his manager’s office door and was warmly received. He explained why he was frustrated and asked, “What should I do?”
After a long, thoughtful pause, the manager said, “Imagine a winding river — very swift, but very long. It runs for miles and miles, through a steep-walled canyon. Can you hear the roar of the rapids and see the high cliffs above?”
“Sure,” the young man said.
Then picture yourself in a small boat, running that river,” the manager continued. “You’ve got your hand on the tiller, so you can avoid the rocks and boulders and the canyon walls. But how far downstream can you see?”
Not far,” the young man replied, “because the river winds through the canyon.”
Right,” the manager agreed. “You can only see up to the next bend. And when you get there, you can only see to the next one, and so forth. And that’s where you are now, in that small boat. The river is your life. You can’t see the end! You can only see to the next bend. But I’m flying in an airplane high above, and I can see a beautiful, placid lake at the end of that long winding river! So relax. Don’t let yourself be anxious. Enjoy the trip and do three things starting right now.”
After hearing those three things, the young man immediately felt a great sense of peace. That was almost 40 years ago, and the journey has turned out to be much more enjoyable and rewarding than any he could have mapped out for himself. By the way, that young man’s name was Joel Weldon, and his manager was Mr. Vernon Cavill.
Here’s what you can do: You can do the three things Vernon said many years ago “as you’re going down the river of personal growth” which represents your life in that small boat and your current job:
- Don’t look back. The river of your life runs forward, not back. Learn from your past but don’t focus there—focus ahead.
- Concentrate on your boat—your present job and whatever it is, do it exceptionally well. Don’t think of the next step in your career. If you do, you’re not focusing on the current job. Be amazing at what you’re doing now!
- Just make it to the next bend in the river. Don’t focus on the ten, five and one year goals. Focus only on the next 30 days! If you have a long range goal—great! Just divide it up into 30-day goals and take action now! Long range goals can give you direction, but it’s the 30-day goals that produce action. Also, with all the changes in the world, you need to be flexible and adaptable.
So as you go down your own Winding River—relax, enjoy the ride and MAKE it fun!
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May 14, 2008
“IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT, FEATURE IT!”
—Sir Ernest Shackleton
When faced with pending tragedy or sudden difficulties that could demoralize the team, effective leaders can decide instead to celebrate! This motivational technique of creating events can foster joy, gratitude, humor or hope.
That’s right! Decide to feature or celebrate what you can’t fix or what won’t go away immediately . . . things like:
- A new computer system (let’s say its called SWATS) driving people nuts.
- Construction going on in your working areas or on local streets.
- The worst month in history.
- Taking a time-consuming inventory.
- The busiest month ever—people exhausted.
- Merging with another organization and the ensuing turf wars.
You get the point! Its stuff that occurs that will someday go away or be softened eventually by time. But right now it’s a difficult, disruptive situation.
So, “Feature It!” Brag about it! Celebrate it! Make it funny! Show you know what’s going on and that you appreciate their frustrations and concerns. Go for humor if you can. For the six examples above:
- Create T-shirts for everyone: “I survived SWATS.” Or make a new acronym for the thing—like, SWATS really means “System We’ll All Treasure Someday.”
- Construction mess, dirt and inconveniences. Issue your team hard hats and hammers and say, “Let’s help those construction workers,” or, “Let’s find out where they live and go mess up their homes!”
- After a devastating month, throw a party! Call it a “Misery Bash.” Vow to never ever let that happen again and celebrate the fact that it’s over!
- Taking inventory can be so time-consuming and stressful. How about making T-shirts with “WWWD” on one side, and on the back, “What Would Walter Do?” (“Walter” being your controller or head bean counter, who would count everything and do it right.)
- People working 12-14-16 hour days, exhausted? Buy some cheap camping cots, blankets and pillows, eye shades and ear plugs. Set them up in your offices and put a sign up — “Rest area for the best team.”
- A merger can be traumatic, so make it fun. Have a wedding! Select a bride from one organization and a groom from the other. Have a ceremony. Write vows. Pledge to stay together in good times and bad. Then have a big Wedding Reception!
Every one of these ideas has been used by effective leaders! Now it’s your turn to use them, or think up your own ways to . . .
FEATURE things you can’t FIX!
It will help make WORK more FUN!
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May 14, 2008
A. How many “thank you” notes have you written this week?
Here are a few ideas. Buy cards by the box, stamp all the envelopes and you’re ready to go when the “attitude of gratitude” hits you! Then start with the people most important to you—your family, loved ones, friends, neighbors, associates. Tell them how much they mean to you. Tell them specifically what they did and how it impacted you. As an example, “Thank you for being there when I needed you. It helped so much knowing you cared and supported me.”
B. How are you doing in the department of taking yourself less seriously?
When something starts to get you uptight or upset, look for the humor in it. Laugh at the situation. It’s easy to laugh six months later, so do it faster and it takes the edge off. Tell jokes about yourself, not others. Instead of sarcasm and cutting people down, build them up with praise. Remember, if you take yourself too seriously… no one else will. So laugh at yourself. Everyone else is . . . you might as well join them!
C. What ideas have you thought of to “Promise A Lot, Deliver Even More”?
How about finding out more about what your customers want and don’t want. Do everything they want and none of the things they don’t want, and look for ways to do it better. Return calls faster, and leave your phone number slower! Share a positive experience or thought — call it “my thought of the day.” Send a birthday card… two weeks early, “I wanted to be the first to wish you Happy Birthday.” Send cards on the first day of Spring, or July 4th, or Thanksgiving. Mail Christmas cards in July and let it be the first and only card they get before December!The importance of writing thank-you notes was reinforced to me years ago when I was on a Delta Airlines flight to New Orleans. I fly a lot, usually a couple flights a week — so when it comes to the service provided by flight attendants, I’m sort of an expert.
My Business Thank You Note Story
On that particular day I received exceptional service from the moment I boarded the plane. The flight attendant hung my coat up, got me some lemon water, which is what I always drink, and provided excellent meal service. She smiled easily, had a positive attitude and just seemed so happy to be of help.
And it wasn’t just towards me. She treated all the passengers the same way. So, I took out a piece of paper and wrote a thank-you note to the president of Delta Airlines. His name was listed in the inflight magazine. In the note, I was very specific. I referred to the flight attendant by name, which happened to be Linda Williamson, and I described exactly what she had done. Then, before sending it in to Delta, I gave it to Linda to read.
Why did I do that? Because it’s important for people to know what they did right, so they can do it again.
After Linda read the letter, she came back to my seat and I noticed there were tears in her eyes. She was evidently deeply touched. We talked for a few minutes, and she explained that she had never received a letter quite like that one.
I said, “Well, that doesn’t seem possible, Linda, not with the service you provide,” and I asked her how many letters were in her file for the year. She said “eight,” and by the way this was December, so that was only eight letters in over eleven months! “In fact,” she said, “two of the letters were negative.” — Not negative about her, but the plane was late or the food wasn’t good, and her name was mentioned as part of the crew, so it was in her file.
I asked her about how many people she came in contact with during a year, roughly. She estimated it was about 50,000. Because she’d been a flight attendant for 12 years, that meant she had served over half a million people. Yet in twelve years, she said she’d received only about 50 letters.
Only 50 people took the time to say something either good or bad out of half a million! So you see, not many people write thank-you notes—which is exactly why you should!
Here’s a thank-you note I once wrote to the president of a local health club in Scottsdale:
“Dear Mr. Hall, On December 15 my daughter Jill and I enrolled at your health club. The Fitness Consultant was Butch Ryan. At the time, Butch said he would help us set up a personalized program. He said he would teach us the best way to use the equipment and he said he would assist us in whatever way we needed. Plus, Butch told us that he would be there to make us feel welcome.
Mr. Hall, I’m a full time corporate seminar leader, so I’m very sensitive to the promises and presentation techniques of salespeople. I have attended your facility over 50 times now since that day in mid-December, and I feel it’s important to report the results to you. Not only did Butch Ryan do everything he promised, he did even more! He’s a credit to your organization. I don’t think I’ve ever met a more service oriented and sincere salesperson. Congratulations on hiring an individual like Butch!
Now why tell you all this, Mr. Hall? Because so much of what top management hears is negative, the problems and the complaints. Well, I’m writing to tell you that you have a great team of instructors, managers and salespeople, and leading that team is smiling, positive Butch Ryan.”
Now, perhaps that letter of mine will help you think of some letters you can write. But you might be thinking, why go to all that effort? Simply because most people don’t. Linda received only 50 letters from over half a million people that she served.
And you know, Delta Airlines and most other major airlines give free flights for family members of an employee who receives a certain number of positive letters and “thank you” notes. They reward the winners.
So, you reward the winners too. Tell them what they did right so they know what to do next time, and so they know it makes a difference.
Over the years I lost track of Butch but I knew I’d always remember his attitude. And there’s a post script to the Butch Ryan story. About 10 years later, at my daughter’s wedding, a guest came up to me and said that even though we’d never met, we had a mutual friend. I asked who that was. “Butch Ryan” he replied. “Wow!” I said. “And how’s Butch doing?”
He was sorry to have to tell me that Butch had been killed in a car accident. What a shock! After a moment, I asked him how he knew that I knew Butch.
He said, “From that letter you wrote to his boss. Butch got a big raise and a promotion as a result of that letter you wrote — and they read your letter at Butch’s funeral.
So the letter that took just a few minutes of my time to write, had meant so much to Butch.
Who in your life needs to know how good they are? Take the few minutes now to write and tell them. Act now — within 24 hours. It’s worth the time and effort.
Don’t JUST Compete — Create!
find out what everyone else is doing—and don’t do it!
Ideas are unlimited. Grab a few and run with them. ACTION is the key!
Make it a great day!
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May 14, 2008
Wow, I feel great about myself—
I’m a winner and I know it!
My secret is simple. It’s my…
“Box of Wins”
A. What do you put in your box of wins?
Your wins! The box should contain all the tangible signs of your personal accomplishments. Everything you’ve accomplished on your 30-day goal cards. All the thank you notes you’ve received. Letters or awards of recognition. You’re great! — but sometimes you forget why. Imagine how good you’ll feel about YOU if every time you get a bit discouraged, or negative or feel unappreciated, you simply pop open that box of wins and review your successes. There’s much you can gain from collecting all your wins and saving them in a “Box of Wins.”
B. Why 30-day goals as opposed to one year, five year and ten year goals?
Change! It’s so rapid. When all of mankind’s knowledge is now doubling every few years, how can we be smart enough to plan that far ahead? Imagine if 25 years ago someone had planned to retire on $1500/month and they locked on to that as a goal. My gosh, they’d be poor today… things have changed! So, by committing to 30-day goals and perhaps a one year “direction,” you can make shifts and adjustments more quickly. North is a direction. Driving from Phoenix, Arizona to Denver, Colorado this week is a short-range goal. As a long-range goal you can drive to Alaska or travel to the North Pole, but you do it in steps. So, use the concept of 30-day commitments and make them all!
C. What can you do to get others in your office and at home to do these things like think more positively, listen to CDs, set goals, etc.?
You do it! The key is ACTION, not words! RESULTS, not promises! Yes, you be an example of what you want others to do. Carry your goal card, look for good in others, listen to a CD in your car, write those notes of gratitude, read good books, surround yourself with winners. “IF IT IS TO BE, IT IS UP TO ME!” Those you want to influence will do what you DO — not just what you say. ACTION is the key!
MAKE it a great 30 days!
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Here are some thoughts if you’re married or contemplating marriage. You and your spouse deserve results, not just promises! In the traditional wedding ceremony, your spouse agrees to accept you “for better or worse …till death do you part,” and at first that sounds quite noble. But is it? It actually might absolve you of any responsibility to grow and improve. If you don’t improve, neither will your marriage, and the result could be two people who have parted ways emotionally, if not physically, long before death.
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